No Time to Be Sad

I’ve been making myself so busy lately with extra circulars and switching to all honors classes that I have no time to be depressed. I like this. It’s tough; but I’m finding solutions to my problems. I’m feeling a lot better lately 🙂

I’m focusing more on my music now. Jazz singing, rock singing, and Piano! I’m going to do great things!

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16 Years Old!

I don’t want to grow up! I cannot believe I am 16!!!

I actually dressed up today. I looked very cute. I wore a pretty dress that I had for 2 years and have never worn.

I was kind of sad a bit towards the end of the school day, but then I got to see my mother! That is what made my 16th birthday the best 🙂

** My birthday is not today. It was 2 days ago.

Sad but not depressed anymore – Maybe a little…

My life is barely getting better… But I’m trying to stay positive. Just forcing myself to.

I really wish I could move back to NY… So badly. I really hate living with my grandparents. I want to live with my mother back in the city and not in a shelter… But that’s probably not going to happen – any time soon. *Tears shed*

My younger sister gets to live with my uncle now. They’re about a 15 minute ride away. She’s so lucky. I’m jealous. Because she has a life. And they’re great people. And they do stuff. They have lives… Like normal people.

It only makes me hate my life even more. 

I don’t even have anything to look forward to anymore.

Like always; I have been let down by my mother. I resent her so much to this point; it’s crazy. I don’t even call her “mommy” or like referring to her as my mom anymore. I will be attending the same lovely school and I will continue to live with my same lovely grandparents. (Quote the sarcasm). I want to scream my lungs out and die. I want to just jump in a hole and never return. 

 

On to specifics: Since I probably won’t be moving back to NY any time soon, I won’t be able to do anything still because I do not have a licence or a vehicle. That means no extracurricular activities, which means not getting into a good college.

And if you’re wondering if it is really this serious; it is. I literally have no way of getting around without a vehicle since I live in the middle of nowhere. I literally stay in my house almost every single day. And on top of that my internet barely works 50% of the time. My grandfather literally doesn’t take me anywhere unless it’s piano lessons which is once a week for only 30 minutes and occasionally to the supermarket. I can’t even walk anywhere. It’s not even like my grandparents are nice people. Most grandparents are, but not mine. They make me miserable. Seriously. Words can’t even express.

I resent my mother so much for making my life the way it is. It’s all her fault. She shouldn’t have had me. She doesn’t even take care of me.

Long Time No See.

I haven’t been updating for more than a month.

Since I’ve been in NY for a lot of the summer ❤ , I’ve had somewhat of a life…

 

AND GUESS WHAT!?

I should be seriously moving back to nyc before the new school year starts!!! xD

I am SOOOOO HAPPY!!! 

I hope it will really happen this time… Or I will be devistated :[

I really don’t want to live with my grandparents anymore. I never really did and I don’t know if I can take much more. 

I’m nervous but happy and hopeful :}